Set me down,
behind full mountain
tops, make me burn
yellow and purple
hues, while
cold moons take
honesty away.
Turn on false Gods
who paint streets in
neon, let the devil out
to play.
Soak up the sweet aroma
of tonight’s subtle game.
Let it strip you
of your innocent skin…
And let the games begin.
and then they left their home,
one by one, the salty fluid pouring
into each other, God called
down to Margaret that morning;
“I know spaces between stones,
that, years ago, repressed me.
A harp was broken by an angel,
and now you shall go empty.”
Drums beat wild; a spell of evils
cast up from Hell’s almighty.
Can I exist, just as this?
A nightmare in a body?
I was given a black trail,
a tricycle, and blindly
left my post beneath the drums
to find captivity.
I listened from a noisy Inn
near the Mighty Mississippi,
its waters shook all voice
and took it selfishly.
So, I went, to a purple mountain,
to visit Mighty Oak Trees,
but my tears tried to drown
me there, drip, drip, dripping.
Heaven became worth it when
I had realized it hardly,
every stone and every man
awaited hardening,
I sat in line, in silence
with them, picking at my knees,
when fire grabbed a child’s limb
and she screamed in agony.
I found that I was not an
Angel, the devil had been dwelling
in wine and liquor and
my heart had, all this time, been failing.
I was born to a gray world.
Void of sunlight.
Barricaded by ice.
Hunters have come for me. I watched them
gobble up
sisters, a brother,
and the woman who birthed me.
I stayed, under rocks, under dirt,
for sixteen years. I washed myself
in sin,
couldn’t come clean.
Stained with nights that smothered me
in the devils
chest hairs.
My hair grew to the length of
a woman. Sweeping me
out from
the dirt, standing me on
one foot,
then two.
Then, my breasts grew,
not much larger,
but wiser!
For some time, I lived out
dull
nightmares.
Screaming in sleep.
Silent during the dull day.
Grinding coffee beans
with quiet grips of rage.
I sliced each strand of woman from
my head,
became a man. I cut tears out of my arms
till I forgot how to
cry,
smashed my head heavy till
I forgot
everything else…
except that the world is gray.
My hair has grown back out
to the size of a woman
and my breasts haven’t grown
anything but heavy,
in a heavy body,
in a heavy gray body.
maggiemaeijustsaythis 