Self-Reproach

She lived in a junk ocean
swimming
in the dark waters
of nostalgia

She gave birth to four babies
two in the spring
two in the summer
She tied
all four of them to Her gills

they were heavy
they pulled and tugged
on Her
making Her instinctual efforts
tedious

She never let a tide change
without
reminding
the
four of their weight
of Her struggle

still
She carried them
dragged them through
Her muck
strung them along
deep
in the dark
junk ocean

the tides changed
over and over

eventually
the four
grew gills of their own
weight
swimming muscles
and She was forced to untie them
still
reminding them of their weight
of Her struggles

the four stayed near
Her
eager to help
to relieve Her
of  the strain
they had caused

but no service
could mend the damage
done to Her
strained
tired
gills

the four
swam around the
shameful waters
drowning in moral
conditions
as the weight She
had been burdened with

slowly
slowly
grew in the gross waters
latching on
to the strong
untouched
gills
of the four

weighing them
down
down
down
deeper
into the dark
junk ocean
where
they surrendered in Her
waste